delight: (red and black and turned away)
[personal profile] delight posting in [community profile] anxietysupport
Despite being an atheist and a firm one at that, completely disbelieving anything having to do with religion and prophecies, I was still kind of scared about this Rapture thing. Knowing 100% completely that it was a bunch of crap. Without any doubt in my mind at all. There's no part of me that's agnostic, I know there's no god1. So of course there was absolutely no part of me even believed a tiny, tiny little bit that there was going to be any rapture.

And yet, because OCD and GAD love to team up and be superstitious, I was still caught up in finding myself nervous about today coming. Even though I was completely sure nothing would happen. It was like 0.0001% of my brain was HOOKED on the fact that EVEN THOUGH ALL OF THIS IS COMPLETE BUNK, WE STILL NEED TO WORRY!

I had to confess that somewhere and was so completely humiliated by it this is the only place I could think to put it. Seriously, WTF, brain? I don't believe in any of this, so why were you focusing any energy at all on it? I knew nothing was going to happen. Having nothing happen induces no feeling of relief, because it's not like I was actually rationally concerned. What is with this desire to focus on any possibility of impending doom and worry about it, no matter how stupid it is?

1 I am not saying anyone has to agree with me here! Everyone who interacts with me is welcome in their religion, I'm just utterly comfortable in my conviction that how I was raised is right and there is no god – it's a fact to me, not a theory, and I suppose that in and of itself is a belief but – whatever. I get told off a lot for saying I know there's no god the same way I say I know I have two hands, instead of saying that I believe there is no god. My point is: me saying I know there is no god is not an attack on religious people – don't people with religion, similarly, know that there is a god? It's ridiculous how much I have to say in a footnote in order to not seem like I'm going to get called out. Calling-out culture is anxiety inducing too! Yeah. Shutting up.

Date: 2011-05-21 05:34 pm (UTC)
rhivolution: Hannelore from webcomic Questionable Content: shirt reads 'OCDelightful' (OCDelightful: Hannelore)
From: [personal profile] rhivolution
This is pretty much my experience on a regular basis. Including today, though I didn't fixate too much on it, fortunately. I wish I had advice to give.

Date: 2011-05-21 06:28 pm (UTC)
erika: (comics: i'm trying ok?)
From: [personal profile] erika
I was too, but luckily a friend in Britain posted at 6pm their time that nothing was happening.

I know it's "dumb" to worry about this, but ... I have GAD. I worry about EVERYTHING.

Date: 2011-05-21 06:48 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] lilmoka
I have GAD. I worry about EVERYTHING.

Date: 2011-05-21 07:27 pm (UTC)
erika: (quotes: h2g2: +10/10 style -1000k think)
From: [personal profile] erika
A sample from what I have worried about today (possible TMI): a lump in my breast (probably not cancer, probably just fat cells or related to the medication-induced lactation, but IT COULD BE CANCER); what if I kill myself in one of my episodes of depression; my back hurts because I slouch and I am going to have back pain forever and get osteoarthritis (I don't even know if that's how you get osteoarthritis); lighting some incense is going to set my house on fire if I leave the room to go to the bathroom; artwork != include icons so they don't want your stupid submissions, Erika; my friends secretly think I'm a horrible person and they just don't tell me because they don't want to listen to the massive pity party that would ensue; what if the people at the event I'm going to later don't like me (this is patently ridiculous because I've already been to one of these events and they all liked me, but whatevs, STILL WORRYING); AND SO ON.

Date: 2011-05-21 07:37 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] lilmoka
In the last ten seconds my browser restarted, what if my laptop has a virus that's going to delete all of my files? An the tv remote fell on the floor next to my foot, it could have broken my foot! And so on...

My biggest problem (apart from coping, obvs) is talking to other people about it. The answer I get is something along the lines of "Well, just think of something else". What can you answer to something like that? *headwalls*

Date: 2011-05-21 07:43 pm (UTC)
erika: (words: to-do list / internet)
From: [personal profile] erika
Think of something else!? When the world is unravelling!?

Date: 2011-05-21 07:47 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] lilmoka
I know, right?!

Date: 2011-05-21 07:47 pm (UTC)
erika: (movies: in ur delorean)
From: [personal profile] erika
appropos of nothing I love your icons

Date: 2011-05-21 07:49 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] lilmoka
Hee, thanks. But yours are cuter!

Date: 2011-05-21 06:43 pm (UTC)
harpers_child: it says in large friendly letters "don't panic" (UA: don't panic)
From: [personal profile] harpers_child
i am right there with you. even though i know the same guy has already predicted the rapture twice and been wrong, even though i'm not christian and therefore don't believe in the rapture at all, i'm not going to really relax until i wake up tomorrow. i'm going to drink many cups of tea until then.

Date: 2011-05-21 08:12 pm (UTC)
estirose: Sieg in spacesuit from Imagin Anime (Sieg in Spacesuit - Imagin Animated)
From: [personal profile] estirose
I have moments of this too. My family is very liberal Christian, and when I declared as a pre-teen that it made no sense that there was a hell/devil to my grandmother, she didn't even blink. (I learned much later that I had quite independently picked up Universalist beliefs.) But still, there are moments where the GAD part of myself wakes up and says, "But what if you're wrong?"

I do manage to put the brakes on it after a minute or two, but it seems like since the possibility involves natural disasters and unpleasant eternal circumstances, that it's easier for the fight or flight response to kick in. It's annoying as heck.

Date: 2011-05-21 08:24 pm (UTC)
scheherezhad: Robin sticking his tongue out (bleh)
From: [personal profile] scheherezhad
Yeah, I've been having little "omg, what if it's real?!?" moments for the past few days. I'm 100% sure in my logical mind it's BS, but my GAD can't help switching on the flashing red light, like "AWOOGA! AWOOGA! IMPROBABLE IMMINENT DOOM POSSIBLY NEAR. COMMENCE USING UP SPOONS ON NEEDLESS WORRYING INSTEAD OF EVERYTHING ELSE YOU ACTUALLY NEED THEM FOR." :/

Date: 2011-05-21 08:42 pm (UTC)
majoline: Raindrops pooling on a wet piece of glass - hazy background (wet glass)
From: [personal profile] majoline
Despite the fact that even if the math problem was right, I knew that the man had done the math wrong and to add on the fact that I'm basically an atheistic Druid, not a Christian, I still worried too.

Maybe I was worried because all those people were so worried? Gah.

Date: 2011-05-21 10:42 pm (UTC)
sqbr: pretty purple pi (no hugs!)
From: [personal profile] sqbr
I didn't have this particular worry but I have worried about equivalent things so I know your pain. I'm currently awake with insomnia and worry about something more mundane, and your post made me think "Well, at least the world didn't end!" :)

Date: 2011-05-22 04:50 am (UTC)
snowynight: Kino in a suit with brown background (Default)
From: [personal profile] snowynight
I don't believe that people can predict Rapture, and today morning I worry about my friends being taken. It's the anxiety.

Date: 2011-05-22 05:09 pm (UTC)
iceshade: (Calvin Hobbes: HUG)
From: [personal profile] iceshade
Umm, this is sort of OT, but I'd like to say that your footnote has made you one of my favorite people on the internet. As someone who *is* religious, this is almost exactly how I feel about God (except I do say "believe" because to me it's more of a faith thing. And even though I take it as fact, I can't give any concrete proof either way, etc. etc). I think I'm right, you think you're right, but we can agree to disagree and that's what I love about what you've said. I've always felt that if a person feels threatened by someone else saying their different opinion on whether God exists or not it just means that they aren't completely sure what they think. ~Anyways~ my point is that really, as long as you verb what you verb (believe/think/know/desire/WHATEVER) in terms of God or science or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, it doesn't matter what anyone else says until they try and convert you to their way of thinking. I mean, I'll explain myself when I'm questioned, but I don't try to force people to change their beliefs.

My point is: me saying I know there is no god is not an attack on religious people – don't people with religion, similarly, know that there is a god
THIS SFM. You're not attacking anyone, you're just saying your opinion.

Also, do you mind if I friend you (+add you to my circle)? I post a lit of Jewish-y things, but I'd really like to follow you :)

Date: 2011-05-23 03:43 am (UTC)
staranise: A star anise floating in a cup of mint tea (Default)
From: [personal profile] staranise
Have a t-shirt.

And a hug, if you want one.

Date: 2011-05-23 01:11 pm (UTC)
brisus: (Default)
From: [personal profile] brisus
I understand your viewpoint on that.

I'm a Christian and I even knew that this theory was incorrect, but a small part was like, "What if?" I tend to doubt myself a lot.

Whether you believe or not, just so you know, the rapture is somethign that no one will know when its going to happen--it'll just happen. So, I guess don't worry?

Date: 2011-05-23 06:57 pm (UTC)
olamina: (Default)
From: [personal profile] olamina
I was going to say this. I'm a lapsed Christian, at best - in fact, I used to be an atheist - but from what I've been told, no one can predict when the Rapture will happen. That these "prophets" say they can is, ironically, quite blasphemous.

Anyway, I hope you're feeling better now, OP. I don't think another apocalypse is scheduled until 2012.


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